This is a hard post to write, but one I feel I have to write as an outlet to what I’m feeling.
I am struggling. I seen to be having more days filled with anxiety than days without.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had days spent with Matt, family and friends when I’ve not had a care in the world, and I hold onto those days for dear life because it seems that whenever I have these good days, the next day is filled with anxiety and emetophobia thoughts filling my head and it is exhausting, I cannot tell you. “What if you’re sick?”, “What if you’ve touched something that’s contaminated?”.
I seem to be having more panic attacks, too, which are not only scary, but physically exhausting. I’ve found that they usually happen either before an event or the morning after one, but sometimes they can be for no reason at all which is even more frustrating!
I remember having one a couple of weeks ago, the morning after going out for a meal with my family to celebrate my Dad’s birthday. Even though I ordered ‘safe’ food, my anxiety was telling me that I was going to become ill through some other means and I just got so worked up that I had an almighty panic attack.
I woke up the other day, feeling particularly anxious for no reason so decided to take myself off to a spin class to try and take my mind off things. This usually works, as I find exercise a great distraction and way to occupy the mind on other things. Unfortunately, the anxiety only got worse which left me in this vicious cycle of anxiety > nausea > more anxiety > more nausea > even more anxiety > even more nausea > PANIC.
Thankfully, spin classes are in the dark and I was at the back of the class in the corner so no one saw! I managed to bring myself back to reality using the grounding technique which I would highly recommend to anyone who struggles with anxiety and panic attacks – I’ll leave this below.
When these panic attacks have subsided and I’m able to bring myself back to reality, I feel ridiculous that I’ve even panicked in the first place. But I guess that’s just one of the many, horrible things that this phobia and anxiety does to you.
I’m sorry that this hasn’t been a particularly useful post, but I just needed to write something to try and express how I’m feeling.
Onwards and upwards, hey?
Do you have any tips/tricks for dealing with panic attacks? I’d love to hear some of them in the comments.